knowledge and Belief in God

It is certainly harder for me to believe in the devil than it is for me to believe in God. I think this is the problem for many atheists and agnostics. Perhaps subliminally, they ignore the undeniable and universal experiences of God in the nature of things, and challenge me to prove that God exists. It seems strange to me, admittedly in the context of my training as a lawyer, that the atheists appear to have been granted the power to impose the burden of proof regarding God. Consider, for example, a basic component of nature that almost everyone agrees upon – gravity. Any knowledgeable scientist of today will agree that there are situations in nature in which all our equations and understanding of gravity do not work; in those situations, they could not satisfy any burden of proof that gravity exists. Nevertheless, we do not have “antigravityists” running around accusing Newton and Einstein of being superstitious idiots. We continue to cling to our belief in gravity just as the soles of our shoes continue to cling to the surface of earth; Hawking and the other best and brightest of scientists continue to postulate that there is a “theory of everything” which will, after all, prove that our experience of gravity is not the figment of anyone’s imagination. They are skeptical of the proof, the understanding, but have no doubt about their experience. The experience is tangible and real in their lives, beyond doubt even when the equations, explanations – “understanding” – the way we express the tangible and real experiences remain suspect.

I recently heard an ardent contemporary Christian philosopher, Peter Rollins, expound his strategy that he doubts God’s existence, but does his best to act as if there is a God in his day-to-day affairs. We might characterize the “doubt” as an observation about our equations, explanations, “understandings” of God, like the scientists who distrust the explanations of gravity. We walk around affixed to the ground, the planets orbit around the sun, and what we experience is tangible and real. It doesn’t make much sense, in my opinion, to surmise that we “doubt” gravity, but act as if gravity exists.

One might attack this analogy because we cannot think that there is any other way to act other than consistent with gravity. I would respond by asking: “How do we know when we are acting as if there is a God? and, “Where do we get the idea that we can act any other way?” Just as in the case of gravity, I would say that we (all people) call on a great deal of experience and history of experience, “laws” (like the “laws” of gravity) and other objective circumstances to educate our collective “beliefs” in God (like “beliefs” in gravity).

In the case of gravity, we expect that some brilliant scientist may well come up with new equations, theories or explanations that put our concept of “gravity” in some new context; on the other hand, we do not expect that this new “understanding” will have the result of people and things flying off the face of the earth willy-nilly. I believe that the same is true with respect to our belief in God, and the derivative understanding of the way we relate to God and nature, including the way we relate to each other.

Of course, Rollins is very well justified in aggressively challenging our understanding of God, and our articulation of God’s ways, just as the physicists have continually challenged our understanding of gravity, putting that understanding to test in all situations we can experience. However, I believe that this process is mischaracterized if it is considered as an attempt to “prove” God’s existence, which existence I think we all know just as surely as we know that gravity exists.

Perhaps I am dancing on the head of a pin. I think not. I believe that there is an important element of “knowing” past “understanding” or “belief” that is essential even as we are critical and challenging toward our articulations, underlying assumptions and understandings of the source of “understanding” and/or “belief.” Perhaps that element creates a level of confidence vs. cynicism, a level of hope vs. despair, and a level energy vs. the lethargy of depression, a level of meaning vs. nihilism.

Atheists often attack theists by emphasis on the way theists, often defined as “christians” in these dialogues, have acted in many of the atrocities of history – for example, wars, genocide, slavery -- and have adversely responded to the empirical findings and implications of modern science – for example, evolution, birth control, environmental protection. I cannot in good conscience, assert that my actions do not fundamentally indicate what I believe in. On the other hand, I would respond that people, including me, do not always act in conformance with beliefs, because my volition over my actions, and my beliefs (and “understanding”) are both admittedly imperfect. Nevertheless, I would assert that it is impossible or very improbable that we can act other than in conformance with what we know; when I screw up, I somehow inevitably know that I have screwed up; I somehow know that I need help in some fundamental way; I somehow know that the help is available in the nature of things. Thus, I instinctively get on my knees and reach out to God with an open heart and open palm. The atheist simply reacts to that same instinct in a different way – reaching out to God with palms facing outward.

My Creed

My Creed:

I believe in one God, who is the Creator, who is personally in relationship with me, and whose operating ethic, process, influence and force is Love. I am in awe of God and his Presence, and acknowledge His primordial leadership and model for all people.

I believe that I am blessed and beloved and strive to share in the experience of God’s Goodness and Bounty with everyone, through the celebration of my own creativity, which is bestowed because I am made in the image of the Creator.

I believe that God is revealed by prayer, critical thinking, discussion and education. I believe that God is obscured by ignorance and revealed in all things through disciplined, honest and humble observation.

I believe that my meaning and purpose is realized and revealed in my service of others. Orthopraxy is the most important element of orthodoxy; what I do is the true reflection of what I believe.

I believe that health and self-improvement are mandated by God, and a commitment to healthy habits and excellence in thought and deed is the soul of God’s law.

I believe that God actively participates in our world in tangible and intangible ways, often beyond my powers of observation, comprehension and/or understanding.

Liturgy of Emerging Faith

Liturgy of the Journey of Emerging Faith

“Worship” is the process we adopt to incorporate faith into the reality of our lives. “Worship service” is an intentional time by which the elements of our “Worship” are remembered and examined.

Elements of Worship and/or Worship service:

Reverence

Joyfulness

Discernment

Commitment

Rejuvenation

Mystery

Sacraments Associated Primarily With the Elements

Reverence – candles, darkness, quiet, incense

Joyfulness – angels, art (or artifacts)

Discernment – Bible, stories of faith

Commitment – Offering, sacrifice

Rejuvenation – feast, Sabbath,

Mystery – Cross, Communion, Resurrection

Orthodoxy Related to the Elements

Reverence – We believe in one God, who is the Creator, who is personally in relationship with us, and whose operating ethic, process and force is Love. We are in awe of God and his Presence, and acknowledge His primordial leadership and model for all people.

Joyfulness – We believe that we are blessed and beloved and strive to share in the experience of God’s Goodness and Bounty with everyone.

Discernment – We believe that God is revealed by prayer, critical thinking, discussion and education; God is obscured by ignorance.

Commitment – We believe that our meaning and purpose is in the service of others. Orthopraxy is the most important element of orthodoxy.

Rejuvenation – We believe that health and self-improvement are mandated by God.

Mystery – We believe that God actively participates in our world in tangible ways beyond our comprehension and/or understanding.

Activities, Enactment of the Elements

Reverence - Primarily Prayer
Head – Mantra, Quietness, Reflection, Meditation, Yoga, Consideration beyond consciousness
Heart – Respect, Submissiveness, Connectedness, Awe, Calm, Warmth
Body - Prayer, Stillness, Breath, Openness

Joyfulness – Primarily Creative Expression (as in art)
Head – Analogy, Perceptiveness, Inquisitiveness
Heart – Happiness, Appreciation, Expression, Celebration
Body – Singing, Dancing, Painting, Writing, Playing, Watching and Listening

Discernment – Primarily Bible Study/Journey style
Head – Critical Thought, Observation, Research, Verification
Heart – Affirmation, Mutual Respect, Safety
Body – Discussion, Reading, Observing, Participating

Commitment – Primarily Service
Head – Social consciousness, Consciousness of the environment, Marshalling resources
Heart – Sharing, Concern, Inclusiveness, Love (in emotional sense, perhaps)
Body – Tithing, Participation in service to others, Joining

Rejuvenation - Primarily rest and “time off”
Head – Relaxation, Playfulness, Frivolity
Heart – Relief, Calm, Happy
Body – Rest, exercise at play, healthy habits

Mystery – Primarily Patience
Head – Openness, Belief in unknown, Humility
Heart – Hope, Acceptance, Anticipation
Body – Healing, Intuition, Prophecy, Inspiration

Liturgical Cycles – Seasons of the Elements

Reverence – i.e. Fall (i.e. Beauty and death of dying leaves)

Joyfulness – i.e. Christmas

Discernment – i.e. Winter

Commitment – i.e. Spring

Rejuvenation – i.e. Summer vacation

Mystery – i.e. Easter, Halloween

Wal-Mart

Driving down the freeway,
Listening to sports radio.
It occurs to me –
America is
The Wal-Mart of the world.

Big boxes everywhere,
With benefits,
Computer communication coordination,
And old people
Saying “hi” and offering you a cart
At the door.

It’s all right there,
Aisles 1 – 1,000,002.
Gleaming, glittering
Inviting the purchase of 2 for 1.
Generic stores -
Generic stuff –
Generic staff –
Generic marketing -
Generic prices –
Generic people.

Wonderful, wonderful
Wal-Mart.
There atop the
Evolutionary pile of production
Of free enterprise,
At all the busiest corners
In the world.

My granddad,
He must be laughing –
‘Bout how the Piggly Wiggly supermarket
That spoiled his grocery
Got squeezed –
And his little town’s
Not even there anymore.
He would probably say “hi”
And offer them at cart
At Wal-Mart’s door.


Me
I never worked for a living.
I just peddle empty time and hot air,
And take the paper proceeds
To Wal-Mart.
Cheese balls
To give the kids --
And wicker chairs
For the patio.

Some people seem mad
Some people seem surprised.
Some people say,
“It’s the end of the world!”
I think I’m a little tired
Of all this negativity.
I’m going to “Returns,”
In front, right next to the exit.
What I got here is broke,
And I didn’t need it anyway.

Terror

Terror

I have suffered night terrors most of my life. As a young child I often slept on the rug at the foot of my parents’ bed. Even as a teen I used to bribe my little brother to come in my room and sleep with me; then I told my parents he came into my room because he was scared. I peed on the floor because I was afraid to leave my room to go to the bathroom. Many, many nights I have sat or laid there shaking, sweating, heart and mind racing and I have simply given up all hope for the light of the next morning.

A psychiatrist friend of mine tells me that night terrors can be associated with brain activities or dysfunctions that are not unlike epileptic seizures. Today, they might be treated with medication -- a circumstance that might have changed my life significantly.

On the other hand, how could I have ever suspected that the night terrors would, 50 years later, prepare me in some ways for my life events in a culture that has become preoccupied with terror? Considering the information from my psychiatrist, I am also led to speculate about the medication (perhaps like soma) that might vastly reduce the hysteria of today’s world. It is always hard to separate the good breaks from the bad ones in any true circumstance.

There is no real story I can relate in night terrors – no recurring pattern of thought or horror, vision of monsters or demons; I have approached that feeling at times at a scary movie or reading a Stephen King book, in an airplane in stormy weather or on a roller coaster the first second of its first descent; none of that ever really gets there.

For a time, I was afraid that my son, Wes, had inherited my penchant for night terrors. He would wake us up regularly, crying and afraid in his bed. One night as I was walking by his room I discovered the villain, a huge raccoon staring into Wes’ bedroom from the window perch outside his room. Case closed, night terrors abated.

So, you might be able to distinguish my night terror from Wes’ situation (and the purportedly similar experience of thousands or even millions of people evoked by the destruction of the buildings and loss of life in New York on 9/11); at least they had (have) a raccoon and/or Osama to blame. On the other hand, maybe that is no true distinction at all. As my doctor says, I may have a brain dysfunction to blame, or my delusion of being Jesus, or demons, or even God. Under any objective analysis, anyone can find an object of fear; more importantly, regardless of the icons, we all find ourselves simply in the dark, and often anxious and afraid about it.

I read that many of the marines shit their pants as they left the boats to run on the beach at Normandy. A WWII pilot I talked to told me that an aircraft carrier looks like a cigar butt floating on the ocean when you first spot it for a landing. Yet, it does not seem accurate for me to think about them in a state of terror. It seems that terror is something different than fear, and terror may dwell in the comfort of my bedroom more comfortably than in horrific firestorms of war.
Curious is the apparent lack of relationship between terror and courage. History is full of examples of heroic actions by fearful people. Likewise, moments of insight, perception, and/or enlightenment usually are in fits of fearful circumstance, like the presence of an angel, a demon or even God Himself. In contrast, the images of terror run more to the pathetic – fetal positions under the safety of a wool blankets, and airport lobbies full of metal detectors and drug store cops – symbols of those who are “gripped’ in terror.

“Pathetic” is not to be confused with “harmless.” I set my little brother up for derision and scorn almost without remorse to protect my teenage pride; just as my culture sends its kids into rains of fire and bullets for some perceived safety of their ideals. We might say, then, that if fear is often about self-preservation, terror is often about self image-preservation; it is one thing to be afraid and to act in reality (a state of courage), and quite another to act in defense of being or even appearing to be afraid in anticipation or in delusion of a real threat (a state of terror).

Curious also is the almost mysterious power that one can invoke to aid the infliction of terror; one person, or a small group of persons evoke mass terror, even among those who have very little if anything to fear. It is hard to imagine the collapse of our economic system resulting from having no World Trade Centers. Then again, maybe we have something to fear… What if we have something to fear? Is it possible that we have something to fear? Shouldn’t we be prepared as if we have something to fear? Amber alert! Danger! And so it goes.

It is not as if nobody has any legitimate fear. But people deal with fear all the time in courageous ways; people with cancer, people who are hungry, soldiers, doctors, astronauts, mothers, people in the twin towers, drivers who get on the on ramp to the freeway... It is the rest of us who recoil in terror, cast suspicious eyes all around and unleash rage indiscriminately on innocents (the brothers) and random misfits (the raccoons).

Jesus, me or the real one, apparently left the building during my night terrors. Not one of the uplifting words of the sermons I preached to mom and nan dared to cross my lips; nor did I have the slightest inkling of the fervor or conviction of those other times, while I was there in the dark -- when the wind was blowing, the walls creaking, the end was nearing. I could judge that in the crisis I simply lacked faith. Yet, my dad and mom were, without any doubt, present in the very next room and I didn’t cry out to them either. So, it wasn’t merely or even mainly that I didn’t believe in God or that God couldn’t or wouldn’t help me. Indeed part of the grip of my terror was to disable that part of me that could perceive the situation and alleviate it; i.e. pray or call to mom and dad, or, even, get up, walk across the room and turn on the light.
It seems like a lot of what Jesus, the real one, said was simply, “Hey, get up, walk across the room and turn on the light.” It was called healing when people actually did it. As circumstances would have it, however, the ones who didn’t killed him. Again, it wasn’t fear when the nailed him up, he had never hurt anyone. It was terror. Jesus was the brother who had to take the rap for coming in the room and sleeping with us.
For many, even or mainly christians, the terror has not abated. Terror lurks in our religious orthodoxy when we react intolerantly and in rage to unorthodoxy or to other orthodoxies, when we rationalize outrageous and inhumane acts against those “disadvantaged,” against those who are “different” and against our very environment, and when we willingly live in grand delusion to avoid the risk of seeking the real truth of the here and now. We see the same terror in our other orthodoxies – politics, morality and the law.

As I lay there in terror in the dark, the object of my dread was certainly delusional. It wasn’t about the real, mundane risks and fears in that room; it was about the grand drama of the unreal unknown -- the titanic resting point between good and evil. Like judgment day at death – heaven or hell. I may act with courage overcoming the fears of my circumstance, good or bad. But how am I to avoid bowing in terror to such primordial forces of evil? You see, it couldn’t be that I was just a scared little boy laying there in the dark; I am after all, Jesus, and a victim of circumstance. To avoid the demeaning seeming image of me, it was necessary for me to invent evil and the devil himself. I think that most of you do the same thing.

There has been a lot of thought and discussion about the problem of evil. How do we cope with bad circumstance? How do we explain it? How can we keep our faith in good in spite of it? Why must we endure it?

It seems possible that this discussion mostly misses the point -- that the real problem of evil is to prove that it exists at all. Perhaps the very concept of evil is delusional, conjured in those moments when are captured in terror, like when I was locked under the covers in my bedroom in my night terrors – scared of the dark.

When I finally fell asleep and morning came with the light, it wasn’t that the light didn’t illuminate anything scary, it was just that I was no longer terrified by the scary things I could see. When my brother came in, or when there was someone else in the room, it was not that the darkness was gone, it was just that I was no longer there to face the evil alone. It turns out that evil is not so powerful after all, to be so easily and readily dissipated.

Terror and evil are dangerous even if there is no devil and even if they are ephemeral. If we do not wage war against evil, are we destined to be victims?

Jesus, the real one, said that the victims would inherit the earth, the ones who have mere reality, which they cannot own, and not delusions, which do not exist. The ones to whom courage is more useful than self-image. I think that it is important for me to find and join them, when morning dawns.